Posted on March 28th, 2010 by admin
Filed under Today's story... |
Some of you know I started my professional career as a 7th and 8th grade Social Studies teacher. That lasted one year. Volunteering as a track coach and organizing the Art Fair was fun. I really didn’t like, nor was I very good in the classroom. My style of “winging it” conflicts with the need for planning ahead and I was too free flowing to do long term lesson plans. One year. Not only did I leave “traditional” teaching, I left the state of New Jersey, moved to Boston and started graduate school for counseling.
Part of the curriculum for my program was the study of the grieving process. It is something we all go through for anything considered a loss. It can be a person, a job, a situation, anything that impacts one’s life by creating a sense of disconnect. There is an aspect of grieving known as “shadow grief.” It is that emotion that sneaks up on you without warning. Suddenly it is there, that feeling of sadness, loss, and despair that you thought was dealt with, understood and conquered because you moved to a different emotional space.
So I understand ‘shadow grief’ from the theoretical perspective and certainly have experienced enough losses to know the depth they can impact ones emotional being. There have been times that words of a song or a musical chord triggers a memory, evoking an emotion so deep I feel as if I am right back where I started. Or it could be a holiday, special occasion, an anniversary date, or just the way the sun might be shinning on a day that once brought me such sadness.
Yesterday I met “shadow grief’ face on at the grocery store. I was tootling along in the store, planning what to buy when the girl child comes home to visit. It is the week before Easter so I thought a nice dinner might be fun. There I was at the ham section. Without notice, there it was: an emotion that started so deeply within I was almost overwhelmed and immobilized. That sense of loss of my family: the Easter dinners, and the Easter baskets filled to the brim, coloring the eggs, the hunt that eventually went throughtout the house into the yard. Shadow grief for a loss that affects every cell of my being. Missing my family.
Fortunately for me my sense of humor has returned, albeit a humor that tends to lean to the dark side. But in my head I kept saying, “please don’t cry, please don’t cry.” And then I heard myself say, “Step away from the hams. Move over to the pork roast.” Which I did, without making a fool of myself. Actually I made myself laugh. And within moments the shadow past. I am relieved that the sense of loss is lessened by one more layer.
Today I am going to cook that roast and invite some neighbors over. We will eat, drink wine and be grateful for the people in our lives: today.
Posted on February 27th, 2010 by admin
Filed under Today's story... |
The idea of “play dates” is an interesting concept. When my children were young, it suddenly became clear that as a mother if you wanted/needed some time for yourself, one needed to plan “play” dates. Sounds easy. But as a mom you first have to find out who your child likes to play with and [...]
Posted on February 21st, 2010 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized |
I am sitting on the plane, heading to New Jersey with all the other passengers trying to get into the area before the snow storm hits. So I decided to use this down time to blog. Now I don’t have my lap top so I am doing this “old school” paper and pencil and will [...]
Posted on January 17th, 2010 by admin
Filed under Reiki |
This new year started off with a Reiki group of people who gathered for hands on work and the opportunity to heal. Reiki is the life force energy that heals on many levels: physical / spiritual / emotional / mental. We all know that when we are emotionally drained, we don’t have the physical energy to do much. [...]
Posted on May 9th, 2009 by admin
Filed under Today's story... |
You would think something as innocent as “Mothers Day” couldn’t cause such emotional havoc, but at this stage in my life it does. I also don’t think I am alone with these feelings; I just happen to be an emotional thermometer and feel this stuff so much more then most people. It isn’t that my [...]
Posted on May 7th, 2009 by admin
Filed under Reiki |
My doctor of 6 years stopped taking my insurance about 7 months ago. I put off looking for a new doctor because I just didn’t want to “start over” with someone new. Finally I realized it was time to venture out into the medical community and establish a relationship with someone new while I was well [...]
Posted on May 7th, 2009 by admin
Filed under Reiki |
Sometimes when people ask what Reiki is and what it does, I struggle with being able to express in words the benefits of Reiki. I describe it as: being “hands on,” not manipulative like massage, one remains fully clothed, there can be conversation, one doesn’t need to focus or direct the healing. It is an [...]
Posted on April 30th, 2009 by admin
Filed under Today's story... |
Today is my birthday. Yes, at exactly 7:06 am EST I will be another year older. I know that time of birth because my astrologer needed it years ago when she first started doing my chart. Taurus, yes, that would be me.
I am not sure how this day is going to measure up to the [...]
Posted on April 26th, 2009 by admin
Filed under Today's story... |
According to Webster a friend is “ a person one knows, likes and trusts, a comrade, one who supports.” But after this weekend I want to rewrite that definition according to me and take it a few levels deeper. A friend: someone who has seen me during the depressed times when I couldn’t get out of the funky [...]
Posted on April 19th, 2009 by admin
Filed under Reiki |
Today was our monthly Reiki session. A beautiful day spent with a group of people that all share in a common goal: to understand themselves, their lives and heal. It is always interesting to me when a group gathers to ask questions and share information. The group was made up of different levels of understanding and experience with [...]